


Wind Beneath His Armpits

by cynatnite



Category: Starsky & Hutch
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-09
Updated: 2011-04-09
Packaged: 2017-10-17 19:14:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/180285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cynatnite/pseuds/cynatnite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A slash parody</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wind Beneath His Armpits

Hutch opened the front door to Starsky’s apartment with a flourish. His smile was wide as Starsky hobbled through the door. “Home, sweet, home, partner!”

Starsky hacked and coughed and hacked some more as he slumped down on the couch. He grabbed a plant hacking the sputum into the pot. “It’s great to be home, Hutch. Never thought I’d get out of that hospital.”

“Yeah,” Hutch said with an emotional sigh. He looked up at the ceiling trying to control the cry that threatened to break from him. Hutch pasted a smile on his face and sat down on the couch next to Starsky. “Yep, buddy. The odds were against you. You got 14 bullets in the chest, and laid in that ICU with that tube out of your mouth. How come they didn’t hook no oxygen up to it?”

“I guess they figure my brain had enough. I did go into cardiac….um….what’s that when something stops….”

“Arrest.”

“No, I mean when your heart stops. Well, I came back, Hutch and here I am.”

“Yep,” Hutch smiled. He opened the ice cooler and yanked out two beers. Hutch gave one to Starsky and took a drink of his. “You’ll be back at work before you know it.”

Starsky smiled and patted Hutch’s knee affectionately. He was stunned to see his partner bolt up off the couch and trip over the coffee table falling on his face to escape Starsky’s electrifying touch.

Hutch jumped to his feet and casually strolled to the window.

“Hutch, is something wrong?”

“What makes you say that, Starsky?” Hutch averted his face and wiped a stray tear from the corner of his eye. Hutch yanked the white handkerchief from his back pocket and loudly blew his nose.

“You still aren’t feeling guilty about me getting shot, are you?”

“It should’ve been me!” Hutch cried out to the heavens. “Not Starsky! I had no life before Starsky! I was a hollow shell of a man before Starsky!”

“Hutch, just tell me what’s bothering you!”

Hutch started crying in earnest and buried his head in his hands. Starsky jumped to his feet and went to his distraught partner. “Babe,” Starsky crooned. He put his hand on Hutch’s chin and looked into the ocean blue eyes. “Don’t keep anything from me. I can take anything but that, Blintz.”

Hutch hiccupped trying to stop the racking sobs shaking his body. “I…I…I…”

“Yes?”

“Gordo….I…I…I” Starsky shook Hutch. “Love you.”

“I know, babe,” Starsky said. The tears fell on his cheeks. “I love you, too.”

Hutch vehemently shook his head. “I’m in love with you, Starsky. I want to take you in that bedroom, rip your clothes off, handcuff you to the headboard…well, to something…and make mad passionate love with you.” Hutch saw the shock in Starsky’s eyes and whirled away from him. “You must think I’m a perverted whore for wanting you like this,” Hutch cried.

“Aw, Hutch,” Starsky cried openly. “That’s the most loving thing anyone’s ever told me.”

Hutch raised his head and wiped his nose with the back of his hand. “It is?”

“Yeah, Hutch. I just wanna eat you like a big blond blintz.”

“Oh, Starsky!” Hutch cried throwing his arms around Starsky. He pulled his curly headed future lover tightly in his arms.

“Oh, Hutch!” Starsky melted in the strong arms of his beloved.

Both got down on their knees and a soft glow appeared over them highlighting the passionate undying love they felt for each other. They declared their love for each other for the entire world to see in the privacy of Stasky’s living room.

~*~

In the bedroom, Starsky lifted Hutch’s long naked leg and hooked it behind the blond’s neck. Both men were in the throes of a passionate lovemaking. “Oh, Starsky, that feels so good.”

“Haven’t done anything yet, Hutch.”

“Well, what’s that on my…”

“You’re hand,” Starsky finished. Starsky reached for the drawer and as it opened, the nightstand tumbled over. Starsky climbed over Hutch leaving him with the long pale leg still behind his head. He started tossing items over his shoulder as he searched.

Hutch sighed. “What are you doing, Starsk?”

“Lube. We gotta have it.”

“For what?”

“I heard you gotta have it. We’ll figure it out as we go.”

“Well, maybe you should try checking the bathroom.”

“Yeah.”

Hutch admired Starsky’s jiggling form and long erect love handle as his love skipped to the bathroom. A moment later Starsky appeared with a blue jar. “Kira left some Noxzema here.”

“It’ll get too pasty.”

Starsky ran out of the room and appeared with a five gallon jug of cooking oil. Hutch smiled in satisfaction resting his head against the leg behind him.

A few minutes later, Starsky stormed from the bedroom covered in cooking oil along with Hutch who was equally covered. “Starsky, it happens to every one.”

“Not me,” Starsky yelled anguished at his failure. “I’m a stud. All the women say so!”

Hutch’s bottom lip quivered. “You want a woman, don’t you?”

Starsky went to Hutch and cradled him closely in his arms. Hutch leaned against Starsky and slipped to the floor with a loud thud. “No, Blondie. I only want you, babe.”

Hutch sighed in relief and smiled. “Whew! I thought I was gonna have to go through the yellow pages again.”

Fresh tears began anew for Starsky who walked to the window. A woman walking with her daughter pointed and screamed at the naked man covered in cooking oil. Starsky sobbed uncontrollably.

After several tries to get to his feet, Hutch finally walked to Starsky. “Gordo, what’s wrong?”

“I’m half a man!” Starsky cried out. “I can’t please you!”

“Starsky, maybe you need to see the shrink at the department.”

“Now, I’m crazy! I thought you loved me!”

Hutch took Starsky firmly in his arms praying no one slipped. “Gordo, I do love you, but you can’t keep going like this. What if you have a relapse? I can’t take losing you!”

“Oh, Hutch, I’m sorry. I was only thinking of myself! I’m such a bastard to you!”

Hutch looked deeply into the indigo eyes and he gently wiped the tear away with his thumb. “I’m the bastard, Starsky. I wanted sex while you need to be held and loved.”

“Oh, Hutch,” Starsky cried. “Take me now!”

“Starsky, what if I hurt you? You just got out of the hospital!”

“Hospital be damned! Take me now!”

Hutch easily lifted Starsky in his arms and reverently carried his darling. When he reached the hallway, Hutch slipped and both men fell to the floor. “Just do it here, Hutch.”

~*~

Epilogue

A week later Starsky was back at work. Starsky and Hutch jumped back onto the streets, with the fiery red Torino arresting bad guys. As they made their busts, they would gaze at each other lovingly and exchange gropings on stakeouts. They lived happily ever after except for the occasional kidnapping, somebody getting hurt, sex at the drop of a hat, near death experiences and on a really bad day, when one of them changed into a woman and got knocked up.

THE END

I might do a sequel if enough people ask for one and if nobody sends me feedback, I’ll throw myself in front of a truck. I already have a volunteer for the truck. If anyone wants to add or manipulate this story into their own twisted version, go for it. Oh, this story has NOT been beta’d because I know they’d hate it. I’m sure someone will say I have no imagination. I need my medication.


End file.
